Complexitites

Life.

Is it strange that I am only now, just a year shy of thirty, seeing with my own eyes, and feeling with my own heart, how ROUGH life can be?

Those who know me well know VERY well that my teenage years/early twenties were no piece-o-cake. I have not led the charmed life that many of you would suspect by seeing my life on the surface of this bloggity blog blog.

But to be perfectly honest, the last few years have been CHARMED.

So charmed, that perhaps, I've forgotten all the tears and the anguish and pain that this life ultimately inflicts.

This year, 2010, has reintroduced me, however indirectly, to those elements of life. And it's rough. REALLY rough.

Is it wrong that everything I have been witnessing for the past several months literally makes me scared of LIFE?

I literally feel like my eyes are being plucked open as to make me keenly aware that sometimes, life just SUCKS. (And that is a word I do not use... so yep...)

What would I give to go back to the days of my naivete... The days of being concerned over the fact that I was wearing BUCKLE shoes to my 6th grade Valentines Dance... or that I had to stay in from recess for talking too much during reading time... Yeah, Amy. Life was really hard for you. . .

What'd I'd give to see those kinds of problems now...

I blog about all of this because it weighs me down lately. Writing somehow allows me to find some sense in the craziness.

I write not to set off alarm or make eyebrows raise. I simply write to say, "Geez- the pretty princess, after about six really great years, has awakened to the fact that things are sometimes still REALLY hard."

But I guess the bright, shining hope behind all of this is:

2 Nephi 2:11

For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so... righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.

SO yep, times can get REALLY hard and REALLY painful, and REALLY REALLY awful.

BUT

Times can also get REALLY wonderful, and REALLY joyful, and REALLY exciting. Is it wrong that I live for those times?

Anxiously Engaged

Sometimes I just get in thinking moods. Tonight is one of those times.

I've been contemplating and pondering life as it is right now for me. I work. A lot. Over forty hours a week. Sure, that may not seem like much to some of you, but for me- Princess Girl who used to only WORK 7 hours a week, forty hours is quite overwhelming.

Wah wah- welcome to life, sucker.

No, but really. Remember how when I left Disney and moved to Utah and got married and stopped performing and yada yada I had my moments of getting lost and discouraged and depressed?

GUESS WHAT? While working forty hours a week I have NO TIME for that silliness!

I have PURPOSE. I have a CAUSE. I have a GOAL.

And however silly the goal of getting our two cars paid off is, it's SOMETHING. And I am happy about it.

Yes. I wish I still had time to work out with Bob and Jillian. Yes. I wish I still had time to watch Oprah. Yes. I wish that I had time to plant pretty flowers in my flower beds. And YES. I wish I had time to fold all my laundry after I wash it.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut...

I am grateful to have something good within reach. It's a long and hard process that may cause me to lose my mind (literally... if you want stories, contact me...) , but it's good for me.

And I am sure my cute husband is grateful for less frequent bursts of tears laden with the "I dunno what to do with myself" line.

So yes, my friends, more than ever I am seeing the wisdom in this great scripture:

D & C 58: 26-27

26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

27 Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness...

Culinary Yumminess

Thanks to my cute cute hubby for this fantastic dinner. Wanna come to our house this summer?!?!?

Sunday Sunshine - In a Literal Sort ot Way

THANK HEAVEN FOR SPRING.

That is all I have to say.

Sure, there will be a few more snowstorms, but I am NOT letting that get me down! I'm not letting the scratchy and sore throat and stuffy allergy nose get me down either. Spring has sprung. And I LOVE it.

1. Milestone:

Home sweet home became such one year ago TODAY. Do you realize that anything from here on out marks the longest I have lived ANYWHERE for the last eleven years? Preeeeeeeeeeeeettttttttttttty cool. We love our happy little home in our happy little neighborhood in our happy little ward in what some call "the middle of nowhere." It's not nowhere to us.

2. Secret: I know a secret. A big one. But I promised I wouldn't tell. But at lease I can say that I know something...

3. Helpful: Now that I am working like a crazy woman Chuckie the Hubby has been wonderful to help out around the house. He does laundry (his... he doesn't dare touch mine- ha ha- he cleans up the kitchen and TV room... etc etc etc.) Nice boy.

4. Moving: Sister is moving this week. It's a desperately needed move that will be AWESOME for her and Kensie. Can't wait for things to start anew.

5. First: First extra pricipal payment on the truck will be made this week. Let the countdown to the end of the year begin. Oh wait, I began that on January 19. Whatever. Who's counting? :-)

6. Happy: Had a fun night on Friday at a wedding and at Heather's house. It's not often, anymore, that I get time to hang out with my bestest friend from the Layton years. Feels like going home. Yep. Happy.

7. BBQ: Hubby is giddy like a school boy to start using the grill. Today is the kickoff. Yum.

8. BBC: Found this jem http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/masterpiece/annefrank/watch/video.html?ep=1&chap=0 that aired on PBS last Sunday. Can't wait to sit down and watch it tonight. I love history.

9. Mocking: A few weeks ago CBK and I rumaged through our basement and cleaned it all up. He had no problem mocking my collection of teenage literature that could be categorized in the genre of "Dramatic young deaths caused by dramatical health problems. " I was OBSESSED with this writer named Lurlene McDaniel who wrote all about young girls who died from cystic fibrosis, heart failure, cancer, etc etc etc. Let me sample you some of the titles: Letting Go of Lisa, The End of Forever, To Live Again...

I was pretty much awesome.

This is coming from a girl who went through a phase of playing JFK assassination with her Barbies. (Yes, I KNOW that you are now THOROUGHLY disturbed- but heck it was the 1993 30th anniversary of the assassination- documentaries were EVERYWHERE!!!)

Know what I think? I think I will just stop there... I'm embarrassing myself.

10. Survivor: Loving it this season. Lots.

11. Treats: Gah- Chuck made the best butterscotch/peanut butter Rice Krispie treats this week for Office Night. Kinnnnnnnnnnnnda addicting. Divinity.

12. HK: Tavnir is in Hong Kong for a few days this week. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and sentimental. I can't WAIT to hear what he thinks.

The End.

Be good. And happy.

In The Past...

When I was a kid I would eat butter out of the tub by the SPOONFUL.

Yep.

Sunday Sunshine - Scorched

Happies:

1. I am alive. This week begins the crazies that will be my life until about May 25. Every day will be one day closer to the crazies ending. This gives me hope.

2. Sleep: Thank heaven for it.

3. Crock Pot: Thank heaven for it also. (Keep those recipes coming...)

4. Water: I would die without it.

5. Soap: Bath and Body Works "Dancing Waters." Makes my hands smell super nice and fresh. Ahhhhh.

6. Kiddo: Sleeping Kensie in the other room.... plllllllllllllllllllllllease let her stay asleep.

7. Birthday: Mayzie is one!

8. Quiet: Peace. Serenity. I appreciate it.

9. Massage: Thankful that I have earned one. Need it. BAD.

10. Busy: Less time to sit around and be sad that I am not singing for money. OK- either that or it makes me think more about it... Ha ha.

11. Wedding: Dear Friend getting married on Friday. Happy.

Be good, people. And make it a fantastic week.

Sunshine- Two Weeks Worth

Mr. Striped Shirt= Me.
Carrot= A Furnished house and $600 extra a month!

All of a sudden I am a busy person. No more leisurely sleep-ins, runs on the tredmill at noon, loads of laundry at two... nope. That has all changed. It's good. And tiring. But at least I feel useful. And uber motivated.

#1: ANNIVERSARY WEEKEND: I haven't yet posted about this great little weekend we had. On Wednesday night Chuck was too excited about what he had planned to wait till the next morning to tell me. My cute husband comes in the the room with our traditional road trip treats, a book about Arches National Park, and a bike rack for my car. He'd planned a weekend trip down to Arches where we could hike and play and ride our really awesome we-bought-them-off-KSL bikes! Wahoo!

Thursday came. Rain. Snow. Not such a great forecast for my cute hubby's well thought out plan. :-( (The weather has previously been forecasted as nice...) BUT we switched up our plans, spent the day in Park City and had dinner at Carrabbas. It was a GREAT first anniversary. And guess what?!?!?! Our cake was delicious! It looked a little sad- you know, all smashed up for being wrapped and frozen for a year, but awwwww it made me sentimental. I nearly cried when we threw its remains away a week later. Sniffle.

I loved that cake.

I loved OUR wedding. A lot.

(The OUR is for Chuck- he always accuses me of using "my wedding," and "my cake" and "my house" here on the Bloggy Blog. So Chuckie- that was for YOU!)

#2: Job. JobS. I now have three jobs. The Theatre, Little School, and now... drumroll... I am the manager of a STORE in a local mall. Um, WHAT? Yeah- Long story REALLY short:

Costco. Modeling. In the past. Newest position? Manager of a store selling products of the same company that I worked the Costco job for. Confused? Yeah. Me too. But hey- it's all good.

Point is... This all leads me to the happiest/sun shiny-est part of this whole thing!!!!

THE COUNTDOWN

In less than NINE months BOTH of our cars should be paid off. (Remember how awhile ago I had a goal of paying off the TRUCK by October??? Now it's BOTH cars by DECEMBER!) At that point, the only debt we'll have will be my student loan. GAH! I've said it before and I shall say it again (for different reasons this time...) Please let 2010 go by quickly!!!

And by the way- I have never really been one to ask for time to go by quickly... but I can not WAIT till the car payments are over, we'll have $600 extra every month, AND I'll get to spend the money I make on things we don't ALREADY have.

I can hear the Z Gallerie calling me now...

Or maybe we could have a kid.

Or go on awesome vacays.

THE MORAL IS:

Debt=CRAPPY.

Paying it Off= Happy, but annoyingly time consuming.

#3: Days with Kensie: Awwww this little girl continues to make me smile. We have several great quotes from her- courtesy of the last few weekends.

Chuck: "Kensie, where is Myles?" (Our nephew)
Kensie: "He's with him Daddy."

Perhaps she has been living in South Salt Lake too long...

Chuck: "I love Amy."
Kensie: "She is MY Amy. I love her."
Chuck: "Well I am married to her."
Kensie: "Noooooooooo! She is MY Amy! I am married to her!"

I feel loved.


#4: Carrabbas: Have you been there? Rigatoni Martino. Never gets old.

#5: Easter: Family, a great show with my mom (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels at the Orem Hale... go. HILARIOUS!), too much candy, great food, etc...

But most importantly, of course, the Resurrection of the Savior. The day was more poignant this year. After the loss of Emily in November, this Easter was a brilliant and wonderful reminder of the fact that she will live again. For that we are forever grateful.

#6: General Conference: Nothing beats and awesome weekend at home watching Conference and hearing the words of our great prophet and other leaders. I feel rejuvenated and hopeful and I feel a little bit of bliss. Life is good.

#7: Baby Beyonce:



It makes me smile. Chuck version is better though... ;-)

#8: Carrots: They're great. For a vegetable.

#9: Best Friend: Oh Crockety Crock Pot(s)- You shall become my best friend in the coming months. Dear Blogging World friends: I need good crock pot recipes so hubby and I don't starve while we're both working way too much. Healthy. Suggestions?

#10: LDS Journal: Can't stop the trend of a few weeks. Still lovin' it.

#11: Spring: It has to be coming. I thought I could see it, but it went back inside it's groundhog hole or something. Come out, come out, wherever you are! (Not like I'll ever be outside to enjoy it...)

#12: Gay Witch Hunt: Best episode of The Office. I never tire of it.

#13: Survivor: Great this season. Chuck and I are thoroughly enjoying it. Thoroughly. Like as in, we LIVE for Thursday nights.

#14: Can't end on 13...

#15: Tax Miracle: Did I ever mention how scary our taxes were this year? Scary. We started out owing $2400. Found some papers that helped. Only owed $360. Still kinda freaked out about paying the $360, but grateful it wasn't $2400. Surprise check comes in mail: $369. We overpaid on our escrow last year. Paid our tax bill.

Thank you, blessings of tithing.

They are real.

#16: New Makeup: I love it and I need it.

Yeah- that's gonna be all. I need to fold laundry. And get everything done that I won't be able to for the next... indefinitely. Yep.

Also: Who ever really gets through this whole thing? Do you really read it or am I just typing to myself. Killing time.

Either way...

... How? ... Yeah. Ummmm...

This week: Lots going on.

Long story short: I used to work, ya know, like ten hours a week- maybe... now I work over forty.

And I will indefinitely.

How, oh how has this happened to me?

Good news? As of approximately December 31 BOTH of our cars will be paid off. No loans.

Please let AprilMayJuneJulyAugustSeptemberOctoberNovemberandDecember go by fast.

Please.

Solemn

Emily would have joined us here in the world today or hereabouts.

It's kind of a sad day.

We love you, Emily Elizabeth.

And we're thinking about you a lot today.

More Love

Love me some Z-Gallerie. Yep. Mentioned that before a few billion times. But OH, how I wish I could decorate my house sooner than later.

(Not in love with the three smaller pillows on this this... but I'd take them off and use the pillows below)

(Not the couch here... the lamp, friends, the LAMP)

I could go on and on and on... but I think I should go to bed...

Its Been ONE YEAR!

One year ago tonight... where were we?!?!

* THE WEDDING DINNER *

MANY more of our favorite people were there that night. But I am unwilling to go digging around for the other pictures on my external hard drive.

Happiness.

Broadway in Utah

The 2010-2011 season was just announced. Pretty happy about it. :-)

"The Color Purple," Nov. 16-21, 2010.

"Spring Awakening," Jan. 14-15, 2011.

"Monty Python's Spamalot," Feb. 11-13, 2011.

"Young Frankenstein," April 26-May 1, 2011.

"Les Miserables," May 25-June 5, 2011.

"Mamma Mia!" June 17-19, 2011.

"Mary Poppins," September 2011.

Anniversary Happies - Sunday Sunshine

#1: ONE YEAR! Thursday marks ONE YEAR for me and Chuck. Time flies.

(And I am onto y'all again... Comments: "Ah! Congrats! A year! Time to start procreating."

#2: Being an Adult: I've spent the week home/auto insurance shopping. Therefore, my head has been full of inspiring jingles... "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there." "Bear River Mutual, where values count." "American Family Insurance" Get. Them. Out.

For all of you: Who do you find has the best rates for home/auto insurance? It definitely pays to use the same company for both, I'm just curious of the experiences y'all have had with various companies.

#3: LDS Journal: I think this has been on my list for the last two weeks. Here it is again. I love it. I am so happy that I'm writing again!

#4: Lucky Charms: So good, but so bad.

#5: Golfing: No. I don't golf. But I bought a little kiddo golf set at Wal-Mart for $5 and used it for Singing Time in Primary today. Great fun.

#6: Green: My grass is starting to turn. Spring is coming.

#7: Quote of the Week: "Riding bikes makes our love grow stronger." My husband cracks me up. Oh, you make me laugh, my dear.

#8: Organized: My office has become my dumping ground. Anything that doesn't have a "place" gets dumped on the desk, on the floor, on a bookshelf- you know, wherever. Yesterday I organized. I through out old coupons. I REALLY enjoyed the shredder. Productive. Loved it.

#9: Friends: I love our friends. I LOVE Office Night and date nights and just sitting around chatting with our people. It makes me feel happy. Very happy.

#10: Personal Heat: Ha. I love my little space heater. Our main level tends to be a little chilly, so I've taken to putting this heater near me wherever I am. I am always warm. I like that.

The end. Life is good.

Favorite.

As a three-year-old I was brought to full on tears during this song. Ah the sentiment.

Just B'Cuz

It's Official.

I am buying myself a cat. Spring is almost here and I am tired of waiting around for my husband to turn nice and give in. I am buying a little house for it, a dish, some food, and I am giving myself a kitty.

So Charles, this is your last chance to look like a really awesome husband who gives your wife the one thing she wants in life.

... I don't care if I look rebellious.

Sunshine.

1. Rexburg: Reminisced with Licia tonight about being 20 years old and living in Rexburg, Idaho. It filled me with fuzzies and happy memories of the time we once lived off Shells and White Cheddar. (I have to say, though, that the box of the late 90s was way super cooler...)

2. Work: Added another day to my work schedule. It's nice to have a job that will keep me busy, but not make me feel like I am not getting anything else in life done.

3. Goals: I will have our truck paid off by October. I will. Before would be awesome.

4. Pesto: Made a fantastic dish last weekend that I was proud of. Pesto, chicken, and whole wheat pasta topped with fresh tomatoes and grated parmesan. Incredibly yummy. And I made it. Pride.

5. Spring: Tomorrow we'll begin seeing temperatures of Spring. I need it in my life right now. I am over Winter. I'm over Winter 2010. It needs to be in THE PAST.

6. LDS Journal: I became a journal writer again this week. I am happy to be writing again. My soul needs it.

7. Fancy Scoopin': Got a fantastic ice cream scooper from my MIL today. Thanks, Lisa! And thanks Spoons N Spice!

8. Basil: I made pesto earlier this week. I need my own supply I basil. I may attempt to grow some. I have no idea what that entails but I shall attempt it...

9. Vacuum: I love to vacuum. I get great joy from dumping out the little container and seeing what I've sucked up from the floor. No really. It makes me giddily happy.

10. Cheesecake Factory: Buffalo Blasts. Divinity.

Happy Sunday to you all.

Sunshine for a Sunday Night

1. See today's previous post. Definitely the #1 Happy of the week. I love that "little girl."

2. TWO AND A HALF WEEKS TILL THE ONE YEAR MARK! Hard to believe, eh?


3. Work: I enjoy my new job. It's enough to help me feel busy, but not SO much that I don't feel I can keep a balance in my life. My house is still clean and I still have time to blog. And I still see my cute husband. Good. It's good.

4. Skye's Blessing: What a happy day we had today. Chuck's dad's side of the family all got together at the ward and blessed this little angel baby. Love her. Felt the spirit, survived having Kensie at church with us, ate good food... great morning.



5. Kensie Sleeps: She's sleeping upstairs as I type. Phew! What a weekend. I think that we, as parents, are saved by the fact that we are not given children born at two years of age. Tough as it was, Chuck and I survived. And we enjoyed it.

6. Biff is 25! It's Biff's birthday week. Dinner out and such. That always makes my HAPPY list!



7. Bye Bye Dying Doggy: Chuck worked on our washing machine this weekend and IT DOESN'T SQUEAK AS MUCH AS IT USED TO! Yippee! It sounded like a dying dog. The dog now lives.

8. My Snuggle Bear: Fabric Softener. Snuggle. Heavenly. Happy.

9. ABC 4 10:00 Anchors: HUH? Why are you wearing formal wear for your Sabbath evening newscast? Yes, it was Oscar night. But why do you feel as if this gives you a reason to play dress up? Thanks for making me giggle tonight.

10. LDSJournal.com: Great site. Soon I will get myself busy on there... Journal writing- it makes me happy.

Make yourself a happy week!

* Story of the Week *

I've spent a lot of time in furniture stores lately- A LOT. Do I buy anything? Of course not. BUT my sister, Kensie, and I have a lovely time brainstorming. She'll move into a new townhouse in a little over a month, and she's ready for a fresh start and an awesome home!

The following conversation occurred on Thursday, when Kensie was banished to the kid pen at Knight Furniture:

Kensie (Who, may I remind you, is TWO): "What's your name?"

Older Girl (Who is squashed in the corner on a banana chair looking as if her worst-nightmare-of-a-child has come true) : ...

Kensie: "What's your name?"

Older Girl: ...

Kensie: "What's you naaaaaaaaaaaame????"

Older Girl: ...

Kensie to Me: "Amy! She is being weally shy!"

Determined to get said Older Girl to be her friend

Kensie: "I'm Keddie." (What she calls herself.)

Pause, and changing tactics.

Kensie Again: "What's MY name?"

Older Girl: ...

Kensie (In older girl's face): "I'm a little girl like you!!!!"

The Older Girl still didn't respond.

At least she tried.

Mayday!

As we all know, The Bachelor finale-d tonight.

My dear husband dramatically flung himself from the couch and declared,

"I just threw myself off The Wings of Love."

Guess we know how Chuckie feels about Jacob's winning choice...