Just a Girl and Her Boys: July 2012

Closing a Chapter

Perhaps what I discussed in today's earlier post is what makes this one a bit easier to write. The last few weeks have been rough. Selling the house is stressful, and on top of that I had some rough news to deal with regarding my employment with Disney.

The above picture was taken my last day as a full timer at the B and B stage. I was sad.

For the past three years I have been incredibly blessed to be able to return to Orlando at my leisure and step back into the show and several other special events. I have felt SO loved and have enjoyed being there every single time. On May 7 I was able to do three shows and have a WONDERFUL afternoon at the stage showing off my baby and being with people that I love so dearly. I had no idea that it would be the last time.

I won't go into the circumstances, because honestly, they infuriate me and I felt incredibly blindsided by those who know nothing about me - but going into the drama online won't fix anything, nor will it make me feel any better. (My pride also wants me to scream from the rooftops the circumstances involved so y'all know it wasn't because I've gotten fat, old, or ugly . . . ha ha)

Ironically, the night before this information came out, I'd posted crying Belle as my Facebook profile picture. Sniff.

Anyway, it was a good run. My six years with Disney and the people I worked with both in Hong Kong and in Orlando have made that season of my life wonderful and filled with incredible memories. I am forever grateful for that day in NYC when I met Russ Jordan - the casting director for Hong Kong Disneyland.

And hey - maybe someday if we ever end up back in Florida I'll be back on the Disney stages again. Who knows.

Till we meet again, my friend.

PS: Thank heaven that Chuck is still statused with the company. I need cheap cruises.

A Time and Season For Everything

I've been thinking a lot lately about doing a show. The Hale in Orem is doing "South Pacific", and they'd work with my Equity membership. It sounds appealing and gloriously wonderful . . .

And then the other night, as I sat in the rocking chair with Davis asleep on my chest, I thought about, if I did a show, how many nights like this I would miss out on. I am realizing, more than ever, how quickly time flies. I am understanding how quickly this sweet little son of mine will grow up and be gone. How in the world could I ever think about leaving him to go off and play someone else? I am grateful for this perspective that I've gained in the last few days. I feel like I now, to some degree, "get it." And as much as I long for the stage and the costumes and hair and makeup, I could never live with myself if I chose that over being home with this little baby while he is so small. I get tired and frustrated with him. I feel like I don't really have time to do what I WANT or NEED to do - but gosh- this little guy is my world and I can't bear the thought of him growing up and becoming a full functioning adult. Of course I WANT that, and I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility to help him become that functioning man, but oh, it hurts my heart already. I feel that in years to come I will feel homesick for what my life is right now - sleep deprived and frustrating as it may be.

I am so grateful to be where I am right now. I hope to always be grateful for the moments I am currently in. I feel that we're always yearning for the next thing - the "whens" of our lives - and I don't want to do that. I want to enjoy the here and now and soak it all in. Because in a short few years I will look back on my life and want to feel that I enjoyed each little piece of my "seasons." The past few days, as I've pondered all of this theatre/babies stuff, I have been reminded that there is a time and season for everything. My twenties were an INCREDIBLE part of my life. I was so blessed to have been able to perform to my hearts content, go to college, live in Hong Kong, and work professionally. I LOVE that about my life.

Turning thirty hit me a bit hard because I know that in my heart I realized how different my thirties would be from what my twenties were. My twenties were about me. My thirties are about my babies and my husband and serving them. It's quite the change of pace, but one that I welcome gladly. I don't do well in the self-serving world of theatre. Never have. I'm a fish out of water. I'm not so great in the mother/wife/service area yet, but I am learning, and I plan to someday be great at it.

I don't know that I'll ever get to the point of going to a musical and not wishing it were me on that stage. It's a HUGE part of who I am. It was everything I did in my twenties. It was a great "season" in my life. But just like I always look forward to the changing of the seasons here in Utah, I welcome this new season of my life gladly, now that I am in the midst of it. It's a bit hard, but that's good, right?

Ugh. Now that face is tear stained and I'm all weepy, I should move on with my day. I turn 31 in a couple of days. That's a bit crazy for me to think about. I'll be "in my thirties." Sheesh.

Moving On

Not only have I been distracted by that cute little devil mentioned in the last post, my time has also been consumed with a project that Chuck and I decided to take on back at the beginning of June. At the moment I am trying to decide how much I LIKE this new, stressful project, but I know that in the long run it is going to be a GREAT move for our family.

In the last month and a half, Chuck and I have sold our house. Twice, actually. Ha. The first buyers backed out a week or so before we were supposed to close, but we put it back up on the market, and that very night we had another offer come in. We're under contract again and hope that this time things run smoothly so that we can close on the sale in mid-August.

I have LOVED our house. I DO love our house. I will miss it and our ward and friends and neighbors horribly. Chuck and I have just decided that the time is right to prepare for the future of our family. We need a bit more space and a bigger yard.

ALSO: It kind of KILLS me to leave Davis' room that we put so much work into. Sniff.

So where will we go? Well, we're still working on that. Once we close on this house we will arrange for a few months in a temporary place, and at the end of that adventure - hopefully in the late autumn, we'll have finished construction on this (Well, something LIKE this...) :

We are in LOVE with this house and feel that it is going to be perfect for our family for quite some time. We'll have room to grow, a yard to play in, and a neighborhood full of families and kids just like us.

And that laundry/craft room has me a bit giddy . . .