The Seven Basic Needs of Relationships

Tonight Chuck and I attended the adult session of Stake Conference. We'd just eaten a lovely, and huge, dinner, and I'd fallen asleep in the car on the way home. Full and tired- not a fantastic way for me to begin a two hour meeting, right?

Most of the time the adult session of Stake Conference involves speakers like the Stake Pres. and his wife, a General Authority, and a few members of the Stake... or something like that. I was surprised, and excited, to find out that our adult session would be an interactive meeting with Matt Townsend, a relationship and communication expert who's quite well known here in Utah. (You can hear his relationship show on KSL Radio on Saturday mornings and he's on Studio 5 quite often.) I've always enjoyed listening to him. Yes, now you know- I am a talk radio nerd.

Months ago I'd seen Matt Townsend on Studio 5, (I posted a clip from it on here...) For about a week Chuck and I took one of his ideas - a "T Chart" called "I Felt Loved When..." I saved it. And it's in this year's "book." That was a great week.

Oh, how I wish so many of you could have been there. His words were entertaining, thought provoking, insightful, and provided great reminders for each one of us.

Chuck and I are still brand new at this whole marriage thing. It's a great and wonderful process that I love and enjoy. Lets face it though, it can also be frustrating and downright hard sometimes. We've had great ups and downs in the last year and a half. And tonight's session totally validated our awesomeness. :-)

He talked about the things that get in the way of marriage relationships: Pride, egos, selfishness, kids, pornography, money, etc. etc. etc... All of those fights- over those kinds of things, are "smoke," and the real, CORE issues, have to do with these:

The Seven Basic Needs of Relationships

1. Safety

2. Trust

3. Appreciation

4. Respect

5. Validation

6. Encouragement

7. Dedication

If one partner is feeling threatened in one of these areas, it's natural for them to want to attack the other's needs in one of these areas as well. And so the cycle goes...

It was all fascinating. And fun. And I loved it. It was motivating and exciting.

And now, when we get in little tiffs, I'm going to pull out my handy dandy little "notepad" (an expired coupon on which I wrote the Seven Basic Needs...) and ask, "OK honey, which one of these seven needs are you not getting from me right now?"

:-)

But tonight the 2nd counselor in our Stake called us "perfect." So I guess we are... :-)