In case y'all haven't noticed: I feel like this dog looks.
I am not a complainer. I try to find the best in every situation. I CHOOSE to be happy in all aspects of my life. HOWEVER- somehow, in the last few weeks, my cheerful attitude and zest for life has been seriously sucked out. I need change, and I can feel that.
There's nothing more sad than hating what you love- And this is the just position I found myself in for the first time ever this week. It's awful.
DISCLAIMER: This post has NOTHING to do with my personal life. FYI my PERSONAL life is GREAT and I can't say enough about how blessed I am. This post is in direct relation to my life as a professional...
Continuing on: It used to be that at the end of my work week I would get a little cranky and feel like I was losing my mind a bit. (Beourguestbeourguestyourcommandisourrequestitsbeenyearssincewevehadanybodyhereandwereobsessed...) But about a month ago I began feeling like Monday picked up right where Friday left off. I've tried, for this last month, to buoy myself up and keep myself going, but nothing has worked. All of these feelings climaxed this week with a breakdown. I had a breakdown. That's something I haven't really experienced since my third semester at BYU. But there I was, five minutes till show- only my SECOND one of the week, sobbing because I did not want to go on stage. It was more than "not wanting" to go. I was just plain gut wrenchingly miserable.
I thrive off my time on stage. It's part of who I am. And yet I'm back stage, genuinely so SAD that I can no longer control myself, wishing I were anywhere but here.
Yep, something is wrong, in the life of a performer, when all the joy of what you do has been sucked out of you. When you begin to HATE what you LOVE.
Thankfully, I have been VERY blessed by my Heavenly Father since Monday. I still feel the same, but somehow the ache has been dulled a bit. I am so so grateful for that.
Dunno why I felt the need to share this. But I guess I just NEEDED to.
What's going to happen? I dunno. I am contracted till February. BUT the wind might just be blowing in a direction that will facilitate the change I so desperately need. Things are changing in the life of a certain significant other as well. Sooooooooooooooooo we'll see. And someday I will disclose info. Ha ha.
AGAIN!!!
DISCLAIMER: This post has NOTHING to do with my personal life. FYI my PERSONAL life is GREAT and I can't say enough about how blessed I am. This post is directly in relation to my life as a professional...
IN THE MEANTIME:
I need some sunshine. So here goes:
1. Today I got lots of cute video of my niece. My mom babysits that fabulous baby on Thursdays and sends me video via cell phone all day. It makes me so happy. She's so big.
2. I like "Tracking the Tropics." It's cool. This is one of my favorite sites lately: http://www.wesh.com/hurricanetracker/index.html
3. I'm on week 5 of "The Biggest Loser- Cardio Max" video. I feel stronger and it's awesome! How're the rest of y'all holding up?
4. In one week the Boy and I have been together for ONE YEAR. Wahoo us!
5. I love kitties.
6. Tomorrow, on my regularly scheduled five show day, I only have to do three shows! Yippee! And then my weekend begins!
7. On that note: I LOVE THE WEEKEND!!!! I live for the weekend. I get to relax and go to church!
8. The clouds here in FL are so pretty. I love my drive to work in the morning when it's sunny with big poofy clouds. It was a beautiful morning! :-)
9. In three and a half weeks I get to come to UTAH!!! Yay for friends and family. I so need y'all right now!
10. My new cell phone is great. And I don't ever take it in the bathroom with me... yes, I have learned my lesson.
11. The pasta bowl at Olive Garden is delightful. I have done it twice this week... uh hem...
12. We reinstated OFFICE NIGHT last night!!! Me, Chuck, Andrea, Adam, Rita, and Mark loved re-watching the beginning of season 4.
13. I still really love my little black Shabby Apple dress. It brings happiness to my little life!
14. We got a new flat screen TV at the stage. Such a minor thing brings such happiness to dancers!
15. I really love oatmeal. I eat it every morning and get harassed for it, but I seriously love it. And bananas. I love those too.
16. I also love candy, but I am learning to control myself when it comes to sugary goodness.
17. I'm learning and growing. So I'm on track in life. :-)
There's nothing more sad than hating what you love- And this is the just position I found myself in for the first time ever this week. It's awful.
DISCLAIMER: This post has NOTHING to do with my personal life. FYI my PERSONAL life is GREAT and I can't say enough about how blessed I am. This post is in direct relation to my life as a professional...
Continuing on: It used to be that at the end of my work week I would get a little cranky and feel like I was losing my mind a bit. (Beourguestbeourguestyourcommandisourrequestitsbeenyearssincewevehadanybodyhereandwereobsessed...) But about a month ago I began feeling like Monday picked up right where Friday left off. I've tried, for this last month, to buoy myself up and keep myself going, but nothing has worked. All of these feelings climaxed this week with a breakdown. I had a breakdown. That's something I haven't really experienced since my third semester at BYU. But there I was, five minutes till show- only my SECOND one of the week, sobbing because I did not want to go on stage. It was more than "not wanting" to go. I was just plain gut wrenchingly miserable.
I thrive off my time on stage. It's part of who I am. And yet I'm back stage, genuinely so SAD that I can no longer control myself, wishing I were anywhere but here.
Yep, something is wrong, in the life of a performer, when all the joy of what you do has been sucked out of you. When you begin to HATE what you LOVE.
Thankfully, I have been VERY blessed by my Heavenly Father since Monday. I still feel the same, but somehow the ache has been dulled a bit. I am so so grateful for that.
Dunno why I felt the need to share this. But I guess I just NEEDED to.
What's going to happen? I dunno. I am contracted till February. BUT the wind might just be blowing in a direction that will facilitate the change I so desperately need. Things are changing in the life of a certain significant other as well. Sooooooooooooooooo we'll see. And someday I will disclose info. Ha ha.
AGAIN!!!
DISCLAIMER: This post has NOTHING to do with my personal life. FYI my PERSONAL life is GREAT and I can't say enough about how blessed I am. This post is directly in relation to my life as a professional...
IN THE MEANTIME:
I need some sunshine. So here goes:
1. Today I got lots of cute video of my niece. My mom babysits that fabulous baby on Thursdays and sends me video via cell phone all day. It makes me so happy. She's so big.
2. I like "Tracking the Tropics." It's cool. This is one of my favorite sites lately: http://www.wesh.com/hurricanetracker/index.html
3. I'm on week 5 of "The Biggest Loser- Cardio Max" video. I feel stronger and it's awesome! How're the rest of y'all holding up?
4. In one week the Boy and I have been together for ONE YEAR. Wahoo us!
5. I love kitties.
6. Tomorrow, on my regularly scheduled five show day, I only have to do three shows! Yippee! And then my weekend begins!
7. On that note: I LOVE THE WEEKEND!!!! I live for the weekend. I get to relax and go to church!
8. The clouds here in FL are so pretty. I love my drive to work in the morning when it's sunny with big poofy clouds. It was a beautiful morning! :-)
9. In three and a half weeks I get to come to UTAH!!! Yay for friends and family. I so need y'all right now!
10. My new cell phone is great. And I don't ever take it in the bathroom with me... yes, I have learned my lesson.
11. The pasta bowl at Olive Garden is delightful. I have done it twice this week... uh hem...
12. We reinstated OFFICE NIGHT last night!!! Me, Chuck, Andrea, Adam, Rita, and Mark loved re-watching the beginning of season 4.
13. I still really love my little black Shabby Apple dress. It brings happiness to my little life!
14. We got a new flat screen TV at the stage. Such a minor thing brings such happiness to dancers!
15. I really love oatmeal. I eat it every morning and get harassed for it, but I seriously love it. And bananas. I love those too.
16. I also love candy, but I am learning to control myself when it comes to sugary goodness.
17. I'm learning and growing. So I'm on track in life. :-)
9 comments:
I miss you. And I love you. And this post made me miss you and love you more. So glad we chatted tonight. Can't wait for updates. :)
Sorry the professional life has been so blah. I hope things pick up for you soon. We all need to get together for a girls night out when you come and visit! Let us know what works for you. :)
I'm so excited to see you and go shopping! ;) I MISS YOU!!! Thanks for your help last night, I think it's really going to help! Oh, and about the happenings books, our teacher still hasn't given us the info that we need to be able to sell them online, so I'll remember to get that from him on monday! LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!
Here's an idea. Come home and stay home and bring Chuck with you. I am completely SERIOUS when I say that a two month engagement is long enough... ask anyone.
Oh yeah- and call me chica!
Amy, This is Chuck's "very fun" aunt Karlene. I just want you to know we are so excited to see you when you come to Utah! The kids are VERY excited for the "cousin sleep-over" on Friday night! Hang in there till then... If it makes you feel better, you're the BEST Belle ever in the history of Belles! I LOVE your blog, by the way! Give Chuck a "aunt-like" hug for me!! :) Love, Karlene
I totally know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I just can't go another day, but Heavenly Father steps in and bouys me up. We are so blessed to have that knowledge. I had great advice from a member of my bishopric when I was in college... "Sometimes the only way to get out of a rut is to just get out of it." I was always waiting for something to happen TO me, but I realized that sometimes I would have to take the initiative and make things happen on my own. After I started working on that, things really turned around.
I can't wait to hear how things turn out for you. :)
Amy,
You are so cute. I love reading your posts. I hope your down feelings are short-lived. I think everyone feels that way at some time or other regardless of what they do for work. I appreciate you sharing it. I have experienced those feelings recently and you're right: It's often an indication that you need change. I got some change and it has seriously helped.
Hooray--you're coming to Utah! It's so nice to see family and friends. And if you decide you want to see a show while you're here, might I recommend Pioneer's My Fair Lady (Sept. 19-Oct.4) which Jeff Pew and I are in. Just a thought, just a thought. I would love to see you!! Love you girl.
DC 123:17. You rock.
I'm sorry, Amy! I can't imagine how frustrating that must be! At least you get a vacation soon, right? I'm excited to see you!
Post a Comment