Sundee Sunshine

1. Alive: I jumped back into the audition world, and though 1/3 of it was not pretty (and honestly kind of horrifying), I am proud of myself regardless of the outcome. And, like I said before, I. Am. Funny. That's what I will force myself to remember whenever I look back on this experience.

Can I say one more thing? I have a great life. It's no secret that the move back here to Utah was not easy for me. I was THRILLED to be close to family and friends and the mountains. I was LIVING what I'd wanted for SO long. I had a husband, a house, a calling in a great ward- it's what I had hoped for for years. BUT- it was hard. For the first time in my young adult life I COULD NOT perform. I LITERALLY could not be on the stage. The opportunity simply was not there.

I am somewhat of a freak. When I put my mind to something, I DO it. I obsess and I DO it. My twenties have been filled with "I will do _____" - and a few months later it's done. So last year I finally crossed "get married" off the list. With that, we left Orlando. I was happy with that. Totally fine with it. I was excited to live the life of a "normal" person.

Enter Amy the Normal Person: WHAT DO I DO WITH MYSELF??? I'd spent the last fifteen or so years playing other people more often than I was AMY. How's that for pathetic? So yes, lots of tears and confusion and feeling like a loser went on and on. Of course I was happy with my PERSONAL life, but I felt like a gigantic part of who I am had been ripped from me and I did not know how to handle it and just be me. WHAT DO I DO WITHOUT STAGE MAKEUP, TIGHTS, and FAKE LASHES?!??!

So- fast forward to now. I'm quite content with life. I like our little house in the "middle of nowhere," I like sitting on the couch at night with Chuck saying to each other "What should we do tonight?" "I dunno. Whaddya wanna do?" Life is blissful. And then I go to an audition...

And I realize something: If I don't get in (which I will not...) - It's OK. And whatever those people thought of me at that audition DOES NOT matter. It doesn't change the fact that tomorrow I will still wake up with a cute boy by me, that I will go to my not exactly fulfilling jobs and continue towards the worthwhile goal of getting our cars paid off, and that I am happy and content. Of course the crazy, career driven and motivated Amy burns with "I could do that" envy when I see the success stories of my MDT friends posted all over Facebook and blogs, but that's OK. I no longer have hysterical breakdowns when I see that someone got cast in "my show" or "my role." Being AMY is ok. And truthfully, it's better than being all those characters in the musicals who sing the great songs.

So that is my conclusion. Thanks for listening to that little rant. :-) Continuing on...

2. Plain No More: Thoughts of decorating my house have made me happy this week. Chuck and I stopped into the Z-Gallerie last week and oh, did my heart sing. I am starting folders on my computer with ideas for each room. Did you notice that my debt ticker is now at 23%??? Getting closer... ha ha. Still a ways to go, but getting ideas for what I will do with our house with all that extra cash is motivating I tell you!

This is my current obsession.

3. Mockery: Like it or not, Chuck and I tend to somewhat mock Utah delights such as "Soft Sunday (or should we say Sundee) Sounds" and "Sounds of the Sabbath." For months we have enjoyed, with friends, coming up with cheesy sayings that belong on the walls of Mormon homes in vinyl lettering. (No offense intended to anyone- I, myself, have found a few of these that I actually would use...) ANYWAY- the newest game is making up Sounds of the Sabbath songs. It's entertaining. And Chuck is funny. And I love it.

Really? Is it necessary to have a song that say things like, "Wrap your sins in a cocoon and emerge a butterfly..." ? (I apologize if you are the writer of that song...) Can't we just stick to the classics - "I Know That My Redeemer Lives, " "Because I Have Been Given Much," "Lead Kindly Light," Etc. etc. etc. I love those.

4. Campy: Friday night was fantastic with a campfire, awesome friends, tin foil dinners, and smores. What a wonderfully fun night. Oh, how I will miss this early Fall weather.





5. Orlando (Not Bloom) : One month from today. Can't wait.

6. When the Moon Hits Your Eye: We ate at THE PIE this weekend. We decided to forgo the State Fair and ended up just eating The Pie's fabulous pizza instead. Aaaaand tomorrow I begin working out again... cough...

7. SLC: Conference is in two weeks. Good stuff.

8. Baby: This guy is growing up...






Have a happy week!